Apologising too much is often ingrained into our personalities, as much as any other common phrase is. Saying sorry is like a bad habit that you can’t quite seem to shake. I am guilty of this as I apologise a lot… but I’m not actually sorry about it. So why am I saying it? Most of the time it’s a subconscious response to something. Someone walks into you, your automatic reaction is to apologise even though it’s not your fault.
Saying sorry too much can negatively impact how people see you. If you’re constantly apologising, they may think you’re nervous or timid which could affect you getting better opportunities. Especially in the workplace. I’m already fairly shy and introverted, and so I don’t want to give people more reasons to believe that I’m not a confident person (even though sometimes I may not be).
I’m currently in the process of trying to change my habits at work. It’s actually really hard to stop yourself from apoligising. I first started with my emails. I proof read them to judge whether I’m using the words sorry or apologies and pull them out when I see them. More often or not, the email reads the exact same without my meaningless sorry.
Working on not saying it out loud is much trickier as it is a habit. Especially if it’s simple things like bumping into someone or getting in each others way in the corridor. But noting down what makes you say sorry (kinda like how I’m doing for this post!) actually helps you become conscious that you’re doing it. I also apologise when I ask people questions or for them to help me which I really shouldn’t be doing as it’s a negative way to talk to others. My main focus over the past few weeks was to stop and think before I speak. Taking a small pause to ask myself, have I actually done anything worth apologising for? This really helps to stop me from just blurting out a quick sorry.
It’s one part trying to make your language more positive in nature. Instead of saying ‘sorry to bother you’ or apologising before asking a question, turn it on it’s head and say ‘thanks for helping’. This kind of language will help you come across more confident, but the positivity can also help your own mental state to become positive.
Save your apologies for when you truly need them. If you’ve actually done something wrong then you can give a truly genuine apology that people will believe. If you’re saying sorry multiple times a day, it’s minimising the action and it’s similar to the girl who cried wolf.
